BEING MORE ASSERTIVE

TOP TIPS

If you want to develop your confidence, self-knowledge and awareness, as well as increasing your self-respect and the respect that others have for you then developing assertiveness is crucial.

1. Change Your Mindset:
Instead of believing yourself to be a door-mat change your mind and believe that you are confident and assertive. By telling yourself that you are assertive regularly you will come to believe it. You can always try coaching, neuro linguistic programming or hypnosis which are all effective methods of changing your mind-set.

2. Start Small:
If you are really struggling with feeling that you are not assertive enough, then don’t feel you need to change your entire personality and way of dealing with issues and people in one go. Pick one situation where you feel that you can change your attitude and start there.

3. Use Active Listening:
This is a skill that will really help you develop your assertiveness. Active listening involves paying close attention to what is being said, using eye contact and body language to develop rapport with the speaker and not interrupting. You can signal your interest by nodding and smiling as they speak. Repeating back elements of what they have said when you reply will signal your interest and make you appear confident.

4. Practice:
Assertiveness doesn’t happen overnight so take time to practice regularly. Make use of a close friend, mentor or coach. Failing that use a mirror. Identify aspects in successful people that you feel indicate their assertiveness and practice incorporating them into how you think, speak and act. Make sure that you look natural and don’t overdo it. There is a fine line between assertive and aggressive.

5. Use “I”:
By using “I think…” or “I feel…” you are showing that you have your own ideas and feelings and are not afraid to show them. By stating your opinion, you are showing your self-confidence. You don’t need to be confrontational as you can reiterate their point of view and show that you value it even though you may not agree with it.

6. Watch Your Body Language:
Your body speaks volumes about how you are feeling and so if you want to come across and confident and assertive then you need to use the correct body language. Stand (or sit) straight and tall. Hold your shoulders back and your head high. You’ll not only look more confident but feel it too.

7. Use Eye Contact:
Maintain regular eye contact with whoever you are talking (or listening) to. Not only is this polite but it shows interest in them and what they have to say. You will also appear more confident. You do need to be careful not to stare though as this would just be rude and intimidating.

8. Control Your Voice:
It’s not just what you say that is important but how you say it. Your tone of voice can betray how you are feeling. If you want to come across as confident and assertive then you need to speak evenly and avoid rushing or allowing your voice to rise. Both of these are signs of stress and anxiety. Remember to pause and breathe before you start speaking, and take it slow and steady.

9. Use Fogging:
This is a useful technique when dealing with aggressive people. Instead of feeling attacked or becoming aggressive, you respond by agreeing with what they have said and then stating what you think or do instead. This confuses them and defuses their aggressiveness but makes you appear calm and confident. An example of this in action would be:

Aggressor: “You’re always late for work! I don’t know why you don’t get the sack.”

You: “Yes, I’m often late, arriving after the normal start time but Mr. James knows that I get a later train to drop my kids off at school. I always make up the time at the end of the day which Mr. James really appreciates as it means he’s got help after everyone else has left for the day!”

10.Use Affirmations:
Using these on a daily basis can really help change the way you think and feel about yourself as they instil positive thoughts into your sub-conscious. Saying affirmations works best in the first 20 minutes of waking and the 20 minutes before you go to sleep at night. You can also write or print them out and put them up in places where you can see them regularly.

ACTIONABLE STEPS

1. Practice. If there’s no one around to practice with then talk to yourself in front of a mirror.

2. Think positively. Change your mind-set to one that is positive and believe that you are assertive. Tell yourself you are a confident and assertive person starting right now.

3. Stand or sit tall, with your head high and shoulders back. You’ll notice you feel more confident and assertive immediately.

If you really love this article & the Motivated Mum Blogs, go take a look at the Tools for Motivation Website.

It is a PLR wellbeing website that has been around for over 15 years that has course, blogs, article & report.

You can take, edit & sell it as your own.